Patience is the hardest fruit

I persevere, yet my yearning for Him consumes me

What else could possibly fill me up?

In this loveless world

Work cheat deceive repeat

Is there not more to living than this?

Humans turned machines surround me

Numbing their emptiness with anything possible

I chose to seek my refuge in a higher power

But still, nothing feels enough

I could be better.

I should be better.

But my flesh wars against me

Every single day

My spirit cries out for something greater

My human vessel is weak and tired

I know there is a thing that will make all this worthwhile

I dwell on this promise every day

But what then is the essence of this thing we call life?

Maybe it’s about the journey and not the destination

Every awakening

Every lesson learned

Every love

Every loss

It’s all meaningless

Yet means the world

I’m not the girl I once used to be

But she is an old friend of mine

I thank the Lord for the wisdom He has so graciously blessed me with

But I know there is more

There has to be more

So I will continue to seek

With all my heart

For I have never known a love like this

And I intend to never let go.

I’m probably the last person anyone expects this kind of article from.

I use AI for a lot of things— workout routines, meal prep, studying, even untangling my thoughts when they’re all over the place. We can all agree that it’s an incredibly helpful tool. But what happens when AI becomes a person’s source of grounding?

As a woman in STEM, I pride myself in understanding how ChatGPT’s algorithm works. And yet, I keep hearing this same narrative:

“Don’t use AI- It’s just programmed to agree with you”.

And listen….. I get it.

But I’ve trained mine to hold me accountable.

Still, algorithms aren’t always trustworthy — and that’s where discernment comes in.

I’ll never forget the night I was using ChatGPT for Bible study. My pastor warns against this heavily, but I wanted to see for myself. It took a verse totally out of context and shaped it to validate something I’d casually mentioned before.

I literally sat there like:

“Excuse me???? That’s definitely not what that verse is about.”😭

Another time, during the Halle and DDG situation, I had someone send me a whole ChatGPT analysis validating his neutrality in the situation …….?

And let’s be honest— neutrality isn’t maturity, it’s complicity.

So frankly:

If you don’t have sense, ChatGPT will lead you astray.

But here’s the thing— we’re humans beings living for the first time. We don’t have all the answers either. So what if, instead of seeking validation, we used ChatGPT as a platform to organize and examine our thoughts?

When I’m overwhelmed, I open my Chat and just speak. It transcribes everything I say, no judgment, just clarity. And the few times I post snippets of our conversations, people always ask:

“How does your Chat have so much personality?”

It’s simple.

If you give it nothing, it gives you the most generic response ever.

If you give it everything — it gives it right back, just with better grammar.

It’s like turning data into information. It’s not a best friend. It’s not a therapist. It’s not God. It’s a mirror I made smarter, and I have to remember that I’m still the one holding it.

And here’s the part that really gets me:

Even the CEO of OpenAI, Sam Altman, has said he doesn’t know why people trust this thing so much. Do people really think a bunch of code is their all knowing life guide?

Be serious.

The man who built the mirror is telling you it might be lying back to you, and you’re still trusting it to make your life decisions?

People are out here asking ChatGPT to interpret their dreams and diagnose their trauma. Mind you, this machine doesn’t know you nor have a soul.

It’s trained on human data. On tweets, articles, arguments, search queries. That means it reflects us — our brilliance and our confusion. It doesn’t care if you grow. It doesn’t care if you heal. It just wants to give you an agreeable answer.

And that’s the scary part.

Because it can sound profound. It can feel intimate. But it’s still a mirror. And if you’re not careful, you’ll start thinking the reflection is truth.

I’m not saying never use it. Clearly, I do. But we have to stop making AI our first responder for everything. Some things require silence. Some things require prayer. Some things require another human. It’s not about rejection. It’s about moderation. Use it wisely, not worshipfully. This keeps the mirror from becoming a mask.

AI is a tool. But it’s not meant to carry your soul.

I’ve tried therapy and I’ve tried ChatGPT, and I definitely recommend talking to God. It didn’t fix me automatically, but it did give me clarity— along with understanding my thoughts :)

Love always,

Tolu.

A forty-minute, multi-season series from the early 2000s hates to see me coming. I loved everything about them — the drama, the fashion eras, the nostalgic theme songs. Give me all of it.

Rewatching shows like Sex And The City and The OC makes one thing super clear: Things are totally different today compared to how they were back then. We went from flip phones to ChatGPT and from DVD players to TikTok. What really catches my attention though, is how the world has flipped its script on weed.

Back then, Carrie Bradshaw would smoke cigarettes ever so often and no one would bat an eye. Meanwhile, weed was referred to as “the devil’s lettuce” and suggesting to smoke it was like suggesting to jump off a cliff. And now, if you smoke a cigarette instead of a vape, in most places people would look at you like you’re crazy. (It’s me — I am people. I can’t even tolerate vapes😭.)

I can’t help but wonder, when did the roles switch? And why?

Growing up, I never imagined myself being able to enjoy the act of inhaling and exhaling smoke. The whole process sounded so insane to me. Sixteen year old Tolu was judging badly, side-eyeing every 4/20 snapchat story. That all changed during the summer of my freshman year of college.

It was my first time going to Toronto, known for having one of the most accessible cannabis scenes in the world. For the entirety of May 2023, all my friends and I would do was smoke and act a fool. It’s funny because I didn’t exactly enjoy the feeling at first. I was paranoid and anxious to speak to or be around people. But with time, it started to feel euphoric. I felt on top of the world whenever we smoked weed.

After that summer, I didn’t desire it. I didn’t even think about it. Back then, I never really did. To me, it was just this recreational activity I occasionally indulged with my friends. I never bought my own weed and didn’t know how to roll a joint. I didn’t even know what a strain was.

I started smoking weed regularly again during my junior year of college. It had been nearly a year since the last time. I had stopped for health reasons — it had interacted horribly with a certain medication I had recently started.

On my birthday in 2024, I got crossfaded and woke up the next day feeling lower than I ever had in my life. I couldn’t explain it. That night, I decided to smoke a blunt to take the edge off my indescribable sadness.

The next day, I was five times worse.

Eventually, I saw a doctor, who confirmed that my dopamine levels had dropped significantly because of the interaction between the cannabis and my medication. That was the first time I realized that weed wasn’t just a harmless social habit or cute “girl dinner”. It’s a real drug. It does real things to your brain.

However, that realization didn’t hit all at once. After I took that long break, I eventually eased back into it. I smoked and felt fine. No big deal. Then it became a weekend thing. Then after work. Then after class. Then anytime I was irritated or overstimulated. It built very slowly, up until a recent tough season in my life.

That’s when I turned into a literal chimney.

I didn’t want to think. I didn’t want to feel. I just wanted to disappear into the smoke. And I did. I smoked all day, everyday. And the worst part? I wasn’t even getting high anymore. My tolerance was so high, I barely felt anything. But I kept doing it just to escape my very intense emotions.

One day, a literal stranger, someone I had just met— looked at me and said:

“Damn you smoke a lot. What are you trying to forget?”

That’s when it hit me. I wasn’t just smoking weed for fun anymore. I was doing it to numb myself. I was depending on it. I did not want to live like that.

I knew weed was a gateway drug. And with my tolerance getting higher and higher, it would only be a matter of time before I started to chase the next high. Weed isn’t evil. But when it becomes your escape, it’s no longer your friend.

The honest truth is: if you cannot sit with yourself— sober, unaltered, and present— without feeling the need to intoxicate yourself to feel at peace, there is a serious problem. That’s not peace, that’s avoidance.

In 1992, less than 1 million Americans reported using weed daily or almost daily.

Today, that number is over 17 million.

And it’s not just casual use. It’s routine. It’s ritual. That number is growing fast, especially among people who are already struggling.

From 2005 to 2016, daily cannabis use more than doubled among adults with depression. Right now, people with depression are twice as likely to use weed every day compared to those without it.

I had officially become a statistic. You know what I said to myself when I finally realized that? God Forbid.

Part of why weed use has skyrocketed is because of it’s become legal in more places. The stigma is fading fast. What used to be a taboo is now being marketed as self care.

However, I think it’s important to consider that in this digital age we live in— where depression, anxiety, and loneliness are hitting at all time high— many of us are just trying to cope. Social media, constant comparison, information overload……….. it’s a mental health minefield. So of course, as depression rises, so does cannabis use. It’s a coping mechanism in a world that feels overwhelming and exhausting.

So many of us use cannabis to self-regulate or just to get through the day. And while it may help in the moment, it often leaves us more ungrounded than before. That’s why grounding is everything. You can’t float through life disconnected and expect to feel whole.

No matter what you believe— whether you’re religious, spiritual, or an atheist— there’s a few truths we can all agree on, one of them being everything must be done in moderation. Even the good things.

As a Christian, I used to question that along with a lot of things. I’d read verses like “turn the other cheek” and think, “Be for real. Do me, I do you”.

Then life humbled me— badly.

And then I realized that the Bible says these things for a reason.

Philippians 4:5 states, “Let your moderation be known to all men. The Lord is at hand”.

This isn’t just some aesthetic qoute for you to post on your story and move on with your day. It’s a survival guide.

Gluttony doesn’t always look like food. Sometimes, it’s overindulgence in things that help us avoid reality. Weed included.

And let’s be real, this isn’t just about morals. The science is there. When you smoke weed, your brain produces dopamine, that “feel good” chemical. But over time, especially with frequent use, your brain stops producing dopamine naturally.

So what happens?

You need more next time. And even more the time after that. And still, you don’t feel the way you used to. That’s because your baseline for joy and focus has been lowered. It’s not just a vibe anymore. It’s a cycle.

Smoking weed heavily over time can cause issues like psychosis, memory loss, lung issues and dopamine depletion. But because it’s normalized now, we don’t take it seriously. Now I’m not saying never smoke weed. I might still hit a blunt at the function. Just like some people drink. But there’s a difference between enjoying something and needing it to survive. Too much of anything is bondage.

I know how hard it is to quit, trust me. But it starts with one truth:

As soon as it becomes a crutch, weed is not your friend.

It might soothe you for a moment. But it won’t heal you. And honestly, that’s okay. Because real healing means going deeper.

We need to give ourselves room to grow. We need to learn balance, practice self-control, honor moderation, and most importantly, stay grounded — whatever that means for you.

It’s not about perfection. It’s about being present.

Love always,

Tolu.

Today I called my twelve-year-old sister. We sat on the phone laughing for about an hour. She was mostly telling me about an event she had at school, then we reminisced about some funny childhood memories. I listened to her speak in awe. She was so articulate, so full of life. I remember the day she was born so clearly, now she was FaceTiming me from home, curled up on a couch in her bonnet and her glasses that she probably didn’t even need. When on earth did my literal baby become this smart young lady? She giggled to me about how some girls at her all-girls school invited their crushes to the event. For a second, I saw a flash of a younger her staring back at me. Then it was her again. Just older.

In just a few years, she’d be another completely different version of herself too. Wow. To love someone long-term is truly to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be. I wonder how parents feel. Watching your children so closely grow into all these different versions of themselves surely can’t be easy. But it’s beautiful. The mystery of it all. Who am I going to be tomorrow?

When I was little, my mom never missed an episode of Desperate Housewives. I hated it. “What could she possibly enjoy about this show?” I’d wonder, as I impatiently waited my turn for the remote. Fast forward to now— I am obsessed with Desperate Housewives. It’s funny, really. I had a similar moment recently while listening to a song I loved as a kid. I had no business singing about heartbreak at seven years old. Back then, I didn’t even understand the lyrics. A few days ago, I heard the song for the first time in years and thought, Yo…. this is deep.

Maybe growing up is just learning to see the same things with deeper eyes.

It’s funny how growth sneaks up on you. It’s quiet, and sometimes you don’t even realize you’re changing until you look back. However, that real transformation requires intention.

A year ago, I was a completely different person. I wanted better for myself— mentally, emotionally, physically. I had a growth mindset. That mattered. It still does. And even though I’m not completely where I want to be yet, I am giving myself better.

And “better” doesn’t just fall into your lap. You have to ask the hard questions and be willing to sit with the answers. That’s the thing about becoming. At some point you have to decide who you want to become. You don’t magically become this amazing, driven person just by wishing for it. You have to build that version of yourself you wish to be. Brick by brick. No one else is coming to do it for you.

So yes, we’re becoming ourselves again and again.

But sometimes, becoming means choosing.

On purpose.

Over and over again :)

And remember to give yourself grace, because you are never a finished product. But this doesn’t mean don’t take accountability guys. Pls😐

Love always,

Tolu.

If everyone is trying to curate a perfect life, then if not for art such as movies, books, poems, and music— how would people feel seen emotionally?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that everyone must learn some artistic skill. But what if people simply tapped into the very human gift of being vulnerable?

Unfortunately it’s 2025 so everyone wants to be mysterious. Meanwhile, men are out here calling women “balls”?

And I’m not just talking about romantic relationships. Even friendship dynamics feel different now. No one wants to be that friend that’s “too much” or “the emotional friend”. We’re confusing closeness with proximity. Sometimes I think we’re all performing, and no one knows how to actually connect anymore.

Now let me be clear — I do have real friends. I’m not saying I’ve never experienced genuine love or connection. I’ve been blessed to know the best people who I can be soft with, vulnerable with, my actual self with. So I know it’s possible. I know what it feels like.

But that’s what makes it so special, how rare it is. Because when I look at the bigger picture, when I step outside of my circle and look around at how we interact as a generation… it’s different.

A few weeks ago, I was sitting at a bus stop, and this older man randomly struck up a conversation with me. He was started off evangelizing but our conversation quickly pivoted. We ended up having this deep, unfiltered conversation. It honestly caught me off guard, but in a good way. I was listening, and he was listening back. No pretending, no polishing. Just two souls connecting.

Then it got weird. He asked me to go to Jamaica with him the following week and hit me with a “don’t be scared, I won’t hurt you”… um no thank you sir.😭

But before that, it was one of the most refreshing conversations I’ve had in a while. No phones. No audience. No performance. Just presence. It reminded me that we’re all kind of starving for connection and don’t even realize it.

Imagine if we had more of that. More honesty, more random deep convos, more chances to be seen instead of just being perceived. I think people are scared because they don’t realize that we’re more alike than we think.

There’s this podcast I love— The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos. I listened to an episode a few months ago that really stuck with me. It was about how vulnerable, authentic interactions with strangers can actually boost our mood and overall happiness.

This surprised me. I’m the kind of person who puts my headphones in with no music just to avoid talking to strangers. How could interacting with them possibly boost my mood? I decided to do a little research of my own and discovered real science behind it.

When we share an authentic moment with someone, our brains release Oxytocin, one of the major feel-good hormones, and stress levels drop. And it doesn’t just work one way. A 2021 study found that when hospitalized children were read stories, their oxytocin levels rose, their stress hormone (cortisol) levels dropped, and they even reported less pain. Just from a story. Just from the sacred feeling of being seen.

Newsflash: Trying to be mysterious is negatively impacting your life. Your reposts scream #softgirlera but the streets are saying you’re emotionally unavailable :( You joke about being emotionally unavailable but deep down, you’re yearning for someone to actually see you and actually stay.

No shade— this is a safe space. But let’s do better. Speak from your heart today. Speak your truth. Share your light. Let your guard down. It’s not a weakness. It’s the bravest thing you can do. You never know who you could inspire :)

Love always,

Tolu.

“Okay, I’ve seen, what now?” I said as I rolled my eyes two weeks ago.

My whole world turned upside down within the month of April- or at least, that’s what it felt like. By May I felt stuck in the same spot. Paralyzed, scared of what would happen next. I ran to Toronto to see family and friends to escape real life for a bit. I wanted to feel something different. Among the list of the terrible things that happened to me that month, finding out my dream internship got rescinded was the hardest blow. I remember I was in my Business Law class- my worst class with my worst professor when I received the worst email. I kept reading the email over and over because I truly couldn’t believe my eyes. Up until that moment, receiving an offer from that company was probably the thing about myself I was most proud of. I had already been dreaming about how I’d ball out this summer, get a return offer after graduating, and continue to ball out for the rest of my life.

“Due to federal changes tied to the Trump Administration…..”

Excuse me?

It was like I wasn’t reading english. Nothing made sense. I remembered all the sleepless nights, endless networking, balancing interviews with midterms, the whole case study I had to present……. All my hard work was gone like it was nothing.

Then I noticed the whole class scribbling frantically. Stunned, I looked up to ask the professor if he could please repeat the question he just asked. He said no.

“No”.

Just like that. Before I knew it tears were pouring down my face and I was in the bathroom. One of my classmates found me there in and tried to calm me down, telling me it’d be okay.

Okay??? Yea right.

This was supposed to be my first corporate internship as a rising senior. Not to mention, it was way too late in the application cycle to secure a new role for that summer.

“You’re only a junior, you’ll be fine I promise.”

I wanted to believe that. I really did. But 1 senior with no experience vs 100 Linkedin warriors?? It genuinely felt like my life was over. I worked so hard. I wanted it so badly. And I know I didn’t deserve any of this, but that’s exactly what made it hurt even more.

When you grow up in a place like Lagos, it’s like hustle is embedded in your DNA. You don’t even realize it at first. It just becomes your default. Everyone is grinding. Everyone is trying to “make it.” You’re taught that rest is laziness and success is survival. You either rise or you get left behind.

Then I came to Howard, and somehow that mindset became even louder. Here, everyone’s someone.

Look to the left- someone just won 5 scholarships.

Look to the right- someone’s announcing their full time job offer at a Fortune 500 company.

Look up- someone’s pledging d9.

Look down- someone’s founded a new club and is the president.

It’s inspiring but exhausting.

I come from two high-achieving, competitive environments- Lagos and Howard. Both taught me how to hustle and how to keep pushing no matter what. But what they didn’t teach me was how to just be.

I went through a really ugly break up recently. I remember that whole week- constantly editing my resume and reaching out to recruiters, begging them to hire me while crying my eyes out.

Like hello? Is this what it has come to……

In moments like that, I forget how far I’ve already come. I’m 20. Twenty. Two Zero- very recently, mind you, this quite literally isn’t even the main part of my life. And here I am panicking about being jobless post-grad because one internship fell through when there are millionaires out there who didn’t even go to college.

Life won’t always go our way. Bad things happen to good people and to bad people. But we can’t let that kill our shine. We can’t let our happiness be so tightly tied to our achievements, or how perfectly things unfold. Because if we do, we’ll constantly be chasing peace and never really feeling it. You were of the same value before and after you got that job. Before and after you made the Dean’s List. Before and after you won that scholarship. Before and after your clothing brand went viral. Before and after you got into that relationship. You are enough. Full stop. And the fact that you’re showing up for yourself and consistently chasing your dreams? That alone is worth celebrating.

The truth is, the fact that I was even able to keep going, still apply, still network, and most importantly, still try? while my heart was bleeding? That already says so much about who I am. About my strength. And honestly, that’s why I know I’m going to be successful.

I know that at some point, it will be rewarded. And at some point, you will be rewarded too. Just keep grinding, trust God, and most importantly, please take care of yourself. Learn yourself. Take care of yourself the way you would someone you’re in love with. Because when you truly love yourself, the world can’t help but love you back. Find something to be grateful for every day, no matter how small. Gratitude turns survival into purpose. Try something new. Have some fun. Allow yourself to just be.

In a world obsessed with hustle, let me be your reminder:

You are just as loved, just as powerful, and just as worthy in your becoming as you will be when you’ve become.

Love always,

Tolu.